Have you ever found yourself wishing that you could disappear? Perhaps, you are simply an introvert who wishes to better their understanding of human nature and patterns. Or perhaps you are hopelessly shy, and long to get to know someone, anyone, even if they don’t get to know you. If any of these applies to you, then this post is for you. Here I will discuss the tips and tricks to becoming, well… a stalker. Not the illegal kind of course, just the kind that sees much but is never seen.
The first step on your way to becoming a well-meaning stalker (from here on a WMS) is to become invisible. People, as a rule don’t actually take kindly to being observed, even in a public setting, so in order to observe without besmirching your reputation, you must develop the talent of blending in. And the easiest place to begin building this skill is with clothing.
Clothes say a great deal about you as a person. Therefore, in order to become invisible among a crowd, you must wear clothes that basically say “there’s no one here”. That is to say, clothing that fails to express any kind of personality is preferable. This means neutral or darker shades, simple cuts and a stark lack of flare. This, by the way, in not synonymous with Goth. Goth is, in fact, quite obvious and, indeed, difficult to ignore. The goal here is to encourage the eye to look away, not the other way around. Something I’ve found quite useful is the mixing of formal and casual. The easiest way to explain this is an example. Say you have a top that, when paired with black slacks or a skirt would easily complete a very boring business outfit (I remind you that this top will already be meeting the above described requirements). Now, take this top and, contrary to instinct and advice, pair it with jeans. I was personally fond of gray jeans, which masked the obvious fashion taboo better. This bizarre mating of casual and formal will inevitable make you less observable and here’s why: It’s slightly confusing, especially to the eye. It is a natural human instinct to ignore that which is confusing, and especially that which is only slightly out of place. Therefore, people will ignore you completely in such a get up.
Clothes, however, are not the only thing you must change about your appearance if you wish to observe people un-reproached. Everything about your face will affect how people respond to you. Have super bright eyes, and people are more likely to make eye contact, if only to get a better look. Dye your hair bright red, and you will basically become a walking lantern. After all, this is what people do if they want attention. If you’ve made it this far, however, it is unlikely that is what you’re going for. Having undyed hair or at least darker hair is an obvious must here. As for your face, if there is something striking or unique, it must be hidden. I personally didn’t have this problem. If you’re like this, and already possess a comparatively unremarkable face, all you’ll really need to do is avoid the use of makeup. Makeup will inevitably suggest to the casual observer that you care about your appearance (AKA, you wish to make a good impression with people), which in and of itself will make an impression. If you make an impression beyond the little shadow in the corner, you’ve already given up the game.
Also, about the hair, a cut that covers at least one eye or at the very least shadows the edges of your face is preferable, if not mandatory. Two advantages are created with such a hair style. Firstly, a face in shadow is one that people will avoid looking at. It’s like a cloudy day: The very sight of it saddens the spirit. Secondly, hair in the face hides much of the face’s movement, and will fool even a watchful person into thinking you are looking in a different direction. This effect is doubled if the hair actually covers one or both of the eyes. I have found that it is quite easy to look through a clump of hair if it’s thin enough. Further, it takes a very small amount of hair to render the eye complete invisible, literally this time. If the people you are looking at cannot see your eye, they will automatically assume you are looking elsewhere. If you watch someone with the corner of your eye and all your hair back, you will probably be pegged as a Leerer. If, however, that eye through which you are watching is hidden, you needn’t even use the corner of your eye. Indeed, the observed would need to be close to directly in front of you before it would even be possible for them to tell if you are staring.
More on the hair. Keep it down if at all possible. Again, you are trying to create the impression that you do not care for you appearance. The law of absolute laziness will be your best find in this endeavor. Therefore, putting your hair up with anything more than a clip is putting in too much effort. Curling is absolutely out of the question. Only people who care about their looks curl their hair on a regular basis. One can get away with a straightener, however, as the effects are far less noticeable.
Again, I would remind you that the goal is to remove personality, effort, and attention getters from your appearance. Invisibility is crucial to being a WMS.
So, there you have it. Step one to obtaining the skills of blending in. Step two is not so simple, I’m afraid. For you see, even if your appearance is perfectly ignorable, a vibrant personality, at least an observable one, will put you in the spot light in a heartbeat. Therefore, in order to become truly invisible, one must master the art of hiding one’s personality.
Now some of you may already possess this ability. Some by choice, and others may have found it an inescapable curse. For you, I feel the deepest sympathy. Indeed, I also feel empathy for you, for a great deal of the knowledge that I have poured into this message was obtained at a time when I found myself invisible against my will. Actually, it was an innate curiosity that truly earned me this information, for though I found myself isolated from society, I found the humans around me truly fascinating. And thus, my curse became my advantage.
But enough of the life story. Though hiding and, in fact, practically undoing one’s personality is a difficult skill to master if one does not already possess it, I shall endeavor to provide some helpful tips that may ease you’re path to discovering this talent.
The first and perhaps easiest step is to simply say nothing. To be around conversation, yet not participate in it can in fact be quite difficult for numerous reasons, so perhaps a beginner’s step might be to practice zoning out. Getting lost in one’s own head is a sure-fire way to isolate one’s self from one’s surroundings. Once one is adept at being near a conversation but not actively inputting your opinions, one may actually begin to simply listen to the conversation, which is actually a large part of being a WMS. This may result in an actually exclusion from the conversation. People will close circles so you can’t stand with them. They’ll talk about you like you aren’t there. They will never ask you a question. This is a good thing. It means that people have grown so used to ignoring you that they wish to deny you are there: Which means, when you hover around the circle anyways and listen to their conversations, they are practically forced not to call you out. In fact, they will likely force themselves to ignore you harder, which gives you all the more advantage.
The second rule is to avoid letting any reaction, especially violent reactions, surface, especially on you face. You can gasp, but if your eyes say you really don’t care, people are unlikely to notice much. Again, people see very little unless you want them to, and this natural tenancy of ours is your greatest ally here. The face, however, is something people innately pay attention to, so if your face is having a party of emotions, no amount a silence will render you unnoticed. In fact, it is most likely that you will eventually be questioned about the reactions, especially if they aren’t being played out in your words or body language.
Speaking of, this is a great time to mention it. Body language is also a dead giveaway. People, blind though they be, are naturally attuned to body language, so you must make sure to guard what your body is saying. An expression of fear or submission blended with relaxation and or stillness of any kind is the best route. Confidence, aggression, mimicking other’s poses and light or constant motion are all equally as likely to give you away if you are a people person, and they all make deep impressions on those around you. Remember, impressions of any kind can steal away your advantage of obscurity.
OK, so back to the face. Any good actor will tell you that mastering your face is vital to a good performance. And truth be told, in this game, you are performing for the people around you. You are painting a picture… a picture that no one wants to look at. You are playing the part of a wallflower, that fly on the wall, the shadow around the house. So, try to keep your face as unreactive as possible. A fly doesn’t laugh uproariously because someone made a joke.
This third tip should be obvious, but I’ll say it anyways. If you must speak, speak softly. The invisible person does not interrupt anyone. The invisible person does not demand to be heard.
Now, you’ve probably notice by now that I seem to be equating the invisible person with a person who suffers from chronic shyness. Here’s why: The chronically shy people are the people who already move within society in complete oblivion. Chronically shy people are either hermits, computer addicts, or natural WMS’s. I belonged to the latter group, and I was lucky enough to use what I learned from my stalker like habits to slowly grow out of my chronic shyness. That goes to show just how well this thing works.
Anyways, now comes the fun part. You are now officially invisible. Now, what to do with your new-found powers. Watch people, of course. There is nothing more fascinating. Right about now, I’d like to suggest a few helpful tips.
Firstly, I already mentioned the hair thing. Seriously guys, try it. It works.
Secondly, I should like to impress on you the difference between watching the people around you, staring, and leering. The first will not get you caught and despised. The latter two will. Watching people will involve a sort of eye flickering, where your eye is constantly moving from person to person, from face to hands to feet and back. You are watching, observing, trying to understand. This will encompass everything, so your eyes will rarely rest on any one thing or person for long: Which is why you are unlikely to be caught. Staring, of course, is very fixed and will instantly be noticed. People hate being stared at, by the way. Lastly, leering, though it involves a little more eye motion than staring, is often focused on a single individual, and is by far the most damaging to one’s reputation. If you wish to watch people, whatever your motivation, attempt to take on the characteristics of the first method.
Again, I already mentioned the advantage listening to a conversation has. Be it in the group or as an outsider looking in, listening and not speaking is an easy tool to wield and is unlikely to back fire.
Even watching from a distance has its merits. Though you will no longer be able tell what people are saying, one can actually learn a great deal about social dynamics by carefully observing body language and noting the images and impression each person creates. Filtering out the actual conversation can expose the conversation that is happening underneath… the conversation that you can’t hear.
And there you have it. My personal wisdom on the subject of becoming a well-meaning stalker. Learning to see humans in this new light can bring not only a better understanding of the people you interact with, but of yourself as well. For some, this information may provide you with a very safe way to relate to people. For others, it may simply give you a way to feed your curiosity. In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading.
With grins,
Rayanne